Angry Husband
How to Deal with an Angry Husband
No wife wants to have an angry husband. A situation where one spouse is angry, regardless of the reason, has a negative effect on the marriage and the entire family. This is why it’s important to address the anger and the source of the anger or frustration as soon and as completely as possible.
Psychologists say that anger is almost always a product of hurt or fear. In order to deal with our own anger and the anger of others, we need to find out what is behind the anger. Men are generally not the best communicators of their feelings, so it is important to get beyond your husband’s angry words and try to see if there is a hurt or fear that you can identify.
An extreme example of an anger inducing situation would be when a wife has an extramarital affair. The anger that the husband feels is easily identified as originating in hurt. Fear may also be part of the reaction, since the husband may fear that the marriage may be over and all of the uncertainty that may bring. Because this situation is extreme and the hurt is very evident, it’s easy to dissect the cause of the anger. That doesn’t mean that the anger will be easy to diffuse, but at least the root of the problem is clear.
There are situations where it is more difficult to get to the main reason behind the anger. Men are notorious for holding in their anger until it reaches a boiling over point. The specific situation that caused the pot to boil over may have nothing to do with the actual reason for the anger. To deal with an angry husband when the cause of the anger doesn’t make any sense, you need to step back and look hard at the entire marriage. You need to ask yourself what could have caused your husband to be so hurt or so afraid.
There are many couples who have chronically ill children who end up divorced. On the surface this doesn’t make a lot of sense. In a situation where both parents love the child and the child needs a lot of time and care, it seems that the family would pull together instead of pull apart. Instead, there is often a lot of anger in these marriages. When the anger is not examined, it appears that the couple blames each other for their woes. They fight over the causes of the illness, the amount of time each parent spends caring for the child, types of treatments, and the list goes on and on down to who does more laundry during their stressful times.
This type of anger can become chronic and embedded in the relationship. To deal with an angry husband when the relationship is full of stress, try to look at the source of the stress which in turn is causing hurt and fear. In the case of a sick child, fear becomes a completely overwhelming emotion. During arguments, fear is never mentioned and it’s not the best time to bring it up.
Regardless of the situation, when you are trying to deal with, diffuse, and understand an angry husband, you need to find a time to talk. When you talk with your husband, the situation needs to be one where you can’t be interrupted and where you both feel emotionally safe. Begin the conversation with words of love. Express how much your husband means to you. Then start talking about what you think may be the source of hurt or fear. If you don’t know, open with a question. The whole point of the conversation is to explore the reasons behind the anger. Be sure not to blame or criticize. Feelings are valid, even if you don’t agree with them. Be patient and honest and most likely a great healing will take place in your marriage.